Why I hide my treatments from my partner
People lie to their partners about having Botox and fillers. Two anonymous patients fess up
Why do people hide their treatments from their partner, or their families? And is it ever okay? Is it just a white lie, or indicative of deeper trust issues?
Nothing surprises me much when it comes to aesthetic treatments. The requests can be outlandish, but mostly they’re unfeasible. No, you can’t walk in at the age of 65 and walk out looking 25.
But a fair few of my clients like to keep their treatments quiet, not just from the outside world. But from their significant others too. I asked a couple why.
HIM
He’s a married man who gets Botox and has never told his wife…
Q: Why do you hide your treatments from your partner?
A: Partly down to the cost initially. I thought I’d have been moaned at for spending what could be considered a reasonable amount for looks, (although she probably spends almost as much on Tropic moisturisers and other lotions etc!)
Q: Do you tell other people, or is everyone in the dark?
A: A couple of my very close friends are aware, but it’s not something I would freely tell people although I will joke about it from time-to-time; “I look younger due to Botox etc.”
Q: Have you ever had any comments about your appearance?
A: Yes, people have often said I look well rested, or really well. My wife has since commented that it’s not fair how I’m ageing better than she feels she is…
Q: Do you think your partner suspects anything?!
A: Yes, she has said I’m sure you’ve secretly been having Botox! Awkward.
Q: Did your partner notice anything different about your appearance during lockdown?
A: No, thankfully she didn’t notice I was beginning to age again, just noticed after I suddenly started looking younger once more.
Q: What’s the most extravagant excuse have come up with for why you may have looked different?!
A: I said it’s because I’m drinking more water, perhaps that is the reason why.
Q: Do you feel you still ‘need’ treatments after going without for months? Or has this changed how you feel?
A: Definitely still need treatments, it makes me feel younger, generally happier in my own skin and less stressed and weathered. I’d say it’s even more important post lockdown as everyone seems to carry a stressed older look at the moment (or their Botox has worn off too!).
Q: How long have you been getting treatments?
A: About two years now.
Q: Will you ever tell your partner?
A: I’d like to, but I think it’s now got to the point she would be annoyed I hadn’t told her sooner, so it’s a lose/lose situation. I might just say that I’ve had it as I was noticing I was getting older and pretend it’s a recent thing.
Q: Do you feel your partner would be annoyed if they found out?
A: Possibly, especially financially; although as mentioned above it’s probably no more expensive than her treatments, it’s just that mine work!
Q: What’s the hardest thing about keeping it a secret?
A: The swelling from the initial injections. Although the drive back home is just long enough for the swelling to have gone by the time I get in.
Q: Between you and me, are there other secrets you keep?
A: Yes.
Q: Do you think your other half keeps secrets from you?
A: Possibly, although I wouldn’t have thought so. I guess that’s the point of secrets.
Q: Do you think you might come clean?
A: Yes quite possibly, but probably not about how long.
Q: What do you think the response will be?
A: She will say “I knew it!”
Q: Would you rather be honest?
A: Yeah, but I quite like people thinking I’m naturally younger looking.
Survive or thrive the menopause!
HER
She’s a live-in partner and she has Botox and fillers on the quiet…
*model
Q: Why do you hide your treatments from your partner?
A: It’s something I do for myself. When did couples suddenly have to share every little detail with each other?
Q: Do you tell other people?
A: My sister and a couple of my friends know, but we all go together. We like to make a thing of it, like a spa day or shopping trip. One of my girlfriends also keeps it from her partner.
Q: Do you think your partner suspects anything?!
A: Honestly, I don’t think he pays much attention. If he does suspect something, he hasn’t mentioned it to me.
Q: Did your partner notice anything different about your appearance during lockdown?
A: There was one time he said I looked tired, but I blamed it on the stress of pandemic. We were all tired!
Q: What’s the most extravagant excuse have come up with for why you may have looked different?!
A: Once, my skin was noticeably more wrinkled and I said I’d run out of my decent retinol treatment, and so was using a knock-off I’d ordered online.
Q: Do you feel you still ‘need’ treatments after going without for months? Or has this changed how you feel?
A: Yes. If anything, the glimpse into what I’d look like with no filler and no Botox made me feel depressed.
Q: How long have you been getting treatments?
A: Around four years. I never knew about the abundance of treatments available until my friend confessed over a mimosa that she’d been going for skin peels and fillers. I thought I’d try it out just once, and it was life changing.
Q: Will you ever tell your partner?
A: It’s gone on for so long, I don’t really see how. I thought lockdown would give me a good excuse. I thought after Covid I could say “wow look at my face, this pandemic has aged me. I might test out Botox.” But then there wasn’t really a direct ‘end’ that I could jump aboard and use as an excuse.
Q: Do you feel your partner would be annoyed if they found out?
A: Possibly. He’d probably feel more annoyed at himself for not realising. I earn my own money so he couldn’t be annoyed about what I spend it on.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about keeping it a secret?
A: Waiting for him to notice. How does he not notice?
Q: Between you and me, are there other secrets you keep?
A: There may have been a one-night stand, pre-pandemic… I’m not exactly proud of that.
Q: Do you think your other half keeps secrets from you? And if so, what would they be?!
A: I don’t think so. If he did, it might be a secret gambling addiction or something. He’s not so good with the secrets though. He thinks I don’t know he watches porn most days.
Q: Do you think you might come clean? Surely after a few more years you might have to?!
A: Maybe if he asks directly, I’ll answer. I could say something like “yes, I just went for a little sample to see if I like it. What do you think?” But I’m not going to bring it up for no reason.
Q: What do you think the response will be?
A: He’d probably say something irritating like, “you don’t need it, you’re beautiful as you are.”
Q: Would you rather be honest?
A: Honestly? No. I like the naughty feeling of having secrets.
So is it ever okay to hide this kind of thing or should we be worried? We asked the experts…
Dennis Relojo-Howell, founder of psychology website Psychreg and a PhD researcher in clinical psychology at the University of Edinburgh
“Couples lying to each other is more common than we think.
“Some studies suggest that couples lie to each other an average of three time a week. In most cases, people lie to protect their personal interests. But people also lie in a relationship to protect it from breaking up. For instance, we may hide our expenses from our partner to avoid getting into an argument.
“Lies can also be an indication of more widespread selfishness and disregard for the other party, which can make them feel unloved and unwanted.
“The first step towards curbing lying is to identify the reason behind it. Identifying triggers can help with understanding why you lie. It’s also helpful for both parties for you to apologise to your significant other for lying to them.”
Alex Mellor-Brook is co-founder of Select Personal Introductions.
“How little is your ‘little white lie’? Telling lies to your partner is pretty common in a relationship. But what size lie are you telling? Protecting someone’s feelings, saving face, or avoiding confrontation can be the incentive to fabricate the truth.
“How often you tell a lie, how manipulative it becomes, and the reason why you lied can end in a toxic situation. Relationships are built on trust and lies can undermine all your hard work.
“If you do find yourself lying about something and it doesn’t sit well with you, own it. ‘I said or did this and I wasn’t completely truthful. I’m sorry I should have been honest with you’. Before you tell a lie ask yourself why? Is it for an easy life? Do I really want to keep lying to the person I love?”
Emily is a qualified nurse, with over nine years background in paediatric intensive care. She is the founder of Emily Kerrison Aesthetics, and as well as her NHS chops, has over six years’ experience delivering unique and advanced facial aesthetic treatments.
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