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The best things in life are free, but that doesn’t mean you should settle for a simple sneeze of the loins

I’m willing to bet your sex life – and body – has changed since you were a horny teenager. How can you have the best orgasm now, and reach that big, dramatic, climactic ‘O’!?

Ky Hoyle, a sex and orgasm expert from Sh!, a woman-owned and -run sex shop in the UK, has shared five ways couples can improve their sex lives… and their orgasms.

But let’s look first at what happens to women’s bodies as they age. And how that affects their sex lives.

Things change

How long it takes for desire to fire up, or the kind of stimulation needed to orgasm changes as we age. This is normal. It may take longer to become aroused, and you may need firmer stimulation for the fireworks to be set off.

The decline in oestrogen during menopause can change how nerve-endings respond to stimulation. So what felt great on your clitoris pre-menopause might not do it for you anymore

The way you orgasm may even change. The decline in oestrogen during menopause can change how nerve-endings respond to stimulation. So what felt great on your clitoris pre-menopause might not do it for you anymore.

Clitoral stimulation products like Tickle Her Pink can help restore sensitivity temporarily. And a good vibrator, particularly a suction vibrator, (THE most clitoral orgasm-sure toy ever!) can deliver the intense stimulation your body and libido may need now.

And any vaginal dryness is easily sorted with lube, which keeps your foof comfy. A truly liberating sensual product, lube heightens sensations and sensitivity, which ensures all sex-play (whatever your age or gender) feels sensual and pleasurable.

Pelvic floor muscles can weaken with age too. Strengthening them, and learning how squeeze during sex-play helps with building desire and tipping over into orgasm, so doing Kegel exercises will help.

There’s good news too…

The decline in oestrogen has a benefit which you should definitely explore. It causes vaginal walls to thin slightly which can make your body more receptive to G-Spot orgasms – the famed, deeply intense internal orgasms that elude many younger women.

The ‘change of life’ is a fabulous opportunity to tear up the rule-book on how you’ve always done things too. Whether you’re doing DIY orgasms or sex with a partner, it’s time to also change up those avenues to pleasure.

Self-pleasure is the best way of exploring this, to find out what you like now. It also takes away any performance pressure (of not feeling aroused or not coming).

The old adage “use it or lose it” applies to sex and pleasure

Sex is a healthy activity, and keeping your motor well-oiled and running is good for you. It raises the heart rate in a good way, keeps oestrogen and testosterone levels in balance, helps pump blood through your body (and to your clitoris), and delivers feel-good endorphins and oxytocin. So, there’s every reason to build a session of self-pleasure into your routine.

Trapped in a sexless marriage and don’t know what to do?

1 Communication is key

Open and honest communication about your turn-ons and no-go areas is crucial for having satisfying and enjoyable sex.

If you find it awkward or embarrassing to talk about sex out loud, how about having a conversation with your partner via SMS or WhatsApp?

By writing your fantasies or desires down, you are also creating a sexy story for the two of you that is sure to set you on the right path to that big ‘O’.

2 Lube is your best buddy

You or your partner may produce lots of your own lubrication, but a little lube goes a long way to enhancing your sexual experience.

Lube can heighten sensations, feels sensual to use, and can boost a sexual adventure if you use more exciting variations, such as flavoured or warming formulas. Use your fingers to apply before kissing, sucking and licking your way around the soft, wet areas of your partner’s body.

I recommend starting with a water-based lube for everyday play and exploration.

3 Tickle your pickle

Figuring out what you like and what your body responds to is essential to reaching orgasm, so take time to explore yourself.

The more you know about your body and how it works, the likelier it is you will have orgasms during couples play, as you can guide your partner to what you know what works.

For added fun, why not try a game of ‘show and tell’? Masturbating together is a hot way of showing what gets you off!

4 Turn up the heat

Take some time to build arousal and sexual tension by enjoying arousing audio or visuals together – watching (ethical) porn together, or even performing a strip tease is a great way to turn the temperature up a few notches and drive you and your partner wild.

Sexual tension is a must for orgasms so take your time – remember, an orgasm is often a marathon rather than a sprint.

5 Remove the pressure to climax

Removing the pressure to have an orgasm might sound counterproductive. But trying to force an orgasm often stops them from happening in the first place as we can’t let go, and just enjoy ourselves.

Instead, focus on making your next fumble in the sheets enjoyable without aiming for a climax. Toys are a great way to add various delightful sensations and can bridge the orgasm gap between couples as you figure out how to get each other to reach that big ‘O’.

Choose toys that are multi-purpose or can provide pleasure to both of you, such as finger vibes, vibrating cock rings or couples massagers.