After getting through a second divorce which broke his trust and left him heartbroken, Philip decided he was done with relationships. He became a sugar daddy instead…
Tell us a bit about yourself first
I’m what you’d call a normal guy, and my ideal was probably the same as most people’s. I grew up working hard, and imagined I’d have the loving wife, the happy kids, the fulfilling retirement. But life has a way of playing tricks on you and that just never came together for me.
My first wife tragically died really young, of a really rare cancer. We didn’t get to have kids and I was shattered. I adored her. It took me years to feel okay to meet anyone else and when I finally did, I picked really badly. I was successful and wealthy by then – I’d thrown myself into work, you know, and by then I was in my early 50s. My second wife had at least two affairs and I actually ended up busting her having sex with one of them in our house. The divorce was nasty. So after that I just swore off women. It felt like they’d brought me nothing but heartache.
What made you decide to become a sugar daddy? Tell us about how you got here
Well, I didn’t really decide, you know? Although of course I did at some point give myself over to it, I can see that. This is going to sound so clichéd – I had a chance meeting with a girl at the gym. She’s one of the PTs there and gave me a session. I don’t know why, there was just something fun and young and so unweary about her that was refreshing, and I asked her for dinner. She joked about going somewhere healthy.
At the end of the night she just came at me with a totally open suggestion… maybe we could sleep together and I could ‘sponsor’ her
And so we went, and had a really easy time, just chatting and eating and flirting a bit. I expect other diners thought we were father and daughter, which made me feel a bit creepy. At the end of the night she just came at me with a totally open suggestion – she needed to pay for her next level training course and was broke, maybe we could sleep together and I could ‘sponsor’ her.
Initially I was shocked. I went to the bathroom to give myself a moment. Then thought ‘why not?’ We’re both adults, people have casual sex all the time. I’ve got plenty of money and she needs some. The fact that she was young (22) and hot and fit was definitely an attraction. I told her yes, we agreed a price for the fees and I just got cash out for her on the way to her place. And honestly, it was worth every penny.
So what happened next? Did you see her again?
Yes – she’s at the gym, so I see her often. And once she’d paid for her course we just stopped. Neither of us had an issue with that – we’d had some real fun together and some great sex. She got her qualification and I got a spring in my step. I still see her, we have a laugh but that’s it.
And so did that open the floodgates for you?
After this experience, it was hard to imagine getting involved with someone my own age. I know I’m also one of these, but it feels like people my age come with not just baggage, but a ton of, I don’t know, conditions too. They don’t want to waste time dating for months, only to find you’re not the right person, so you end up grilling each other and sort of checking off a list of prerequisites that you want in a partner. It takes the fun and spontaneity and romance out of things.
I’d heard about sugar daddy sites and just thought I’d have a look. I signed up to two and started to make some inroads, learning how it all works.
So… how does it all work?
There are a real range of different girls with different needs on the sites. Some girls are emotionally fragile, and only do it because they need the money but they hate doing it. I stay well away from them, they shouldn’t be there and you just know it’s going to fuck with their heads. I have to fight the urge to tell them not to do it but it’s none of my damn business. Who knows what they’re holding together in their real lives.
There are those who are more happy-go-lucky, who maybe are working through college or uni, or just making the most of their youth. They’re the easiest to work with. They’re honest and straightforward and there’s no drama or deception. They’re harder to find, unsurprisingly.
There are some that are really mercenary… I suppose you’d say they’re pretty much just sex workers
There are some that are really mercenary, who just see pound signs, and I suppose you’d say they’re pretty much just sex workers really. I have no judgement on that – frankly I’d legalise sex working and make it safer – and they’re totally honest about it. But that’s not what I want.
Although I don’t fancy the shackles of an actual relationship, I like to have a connection with people. I prefer the girls who are up for dating rather than just one-off paid sex encounters. I like to get to know the girls, even if I only see them once a month or something. And I like to give them gifts, see their faces light up.
Is it all about sex?
No. Not for me anyway. I tend to see maybe no more than three, four, five tops girls at any one time, and during that time it’s likely that at least one of them will be a ‘no sex’ arrangement. Obviously I’m in it for the sex, or at least mostly. But I do sometimes just enjoy hanging out, and without sounding like a tosser, I have enough money to help people. It doesn’t always have to be about sex.
Do you ever feel like you’re exploiting these girls?
[Sighs]. Well, it’s hard not to stand back some days and look at what I’m doing and question it. My moral compass is pretty on target and I’d be lying if I didn’t say it made me feel a bit shifty sometimes. Especially when I end up chatting to girls who are clearly fragile, and you just know they’re vulnerable and likely to find themselves exploited.
But ultimately everyone here is an adult – and for those who need to make a few quid it’s safer than walking the streets. Also, it’s important to remember that both parties have a choice, so that puts the power equally in both hands. We both have something the other one wants. So I try and see it as a fair exchange.
Have you had any bad experiences?
No [pauses to think] I think I’ve been fairly lucky. I have met up with a couple of girls who were really friendly and chatty when mailing. But when we met I felt it was clear that they’d been stringing me along. They were just there for the money. I kind of felt like I’d been ‘hooked’ into a meeting and from there it was all about sex and how much I was prepared to pay for it.
I’ve had one girl take my wallet out of the back pocket of my trousers to look through it! I guess she was checking for cash and to check I was genuine. But that felt really exploitative. I try and be a gentleman, I expect manners in return.
What do you feel for the girls?
Mostly I tend to feel – ugh this sounds awful but it’s the reality – kind of fatherly. I am interested in what they want the money for and try to be supportive and encouraging. I always ask my sugar babies how they’re getting on with whatever they’re doing and try to offer advice. I want them to be safe and happy. I don’t get emotionally involved.
I always ask my sugar babies how they’re getting on with whatever they’re doing and try to offer advice
I do keep them at arm’s length, and none of them are allowed into my closer circle. My friends would just rip me to shreds. And my family would be really unimpressed I think. I’m not ashamed, but I do get that other people would frown upon what I’m doing.
What about the future?
Who can say? I’m enjoying this right now – it’s fun, it’s consensual and it doesn’t interfere with my life or get in the way of my work or whatever. I guess at some point I’m going to want to try my hand at a deep and meaningful relationship again. And it’s unlikely to be with someone aged 20 or whatever, although who knows.
All I can say is right now, this is right for me. I’ll let the future take care of itself.
Names have been changed – interview as told to Silver Magazine, opinions not held by the magazine. Nor do we condone illegal activity
Photos are of models, not interviewees